With Nails: The Film Diaries of Richard E. Grant by Richard E. Grant

Author:Richard E. Grant [Grant, Richard E.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: BIO026000, PER004000, PER001000, LCO015000
ISBN: 9781468302363
Publisher: The Overlook Press
Published: 1999-02-28T23:00:00+00:00

15th October

Cinecittà Studios. Second Conference Room Scene. After the energetics and work satisfaction of Friday, today is all torpor. All activity has been torpedoed by the absence of Bruce, who is still in New York. We shoot around where he should be. The scene is parcelled up into a variety of bad options. We do the dialogue to a ‘double’.

Cruise into Joel’s office at lunch-time to borrow Variety newspaper. (Sandra and I are keeping tabs on all the films-in-production listings and a run down of who is working around the globe and who isn’t.) Seeing our own names listed is the level to which we are now stooping for reassurance. Of any kind. Like kids staring at their first school nametapes, and nodding in silence. Mmmmmm, yes, I DO EXIST. HERE IS MY NAME. Which aptly prepares me for the headmasterly bombshell that detonates in my face.

Joel says, ‘Come in, come in. So I hear you were asking what it’s like to fuck a fat old Jew?’

My knees go first, followed by the rest, slumping fast into the sofa. Eyes dead ahead. Ears ringing. Nervous system approaching meltdown. One word dries out of my mouth: ‘SHAZ?’

I don’t know if he says yeah or you betcha or what, because I am retracing my afternoon with Shaz at Road Runner speed, coming to a standstill at Have you had an affair with Joel?, which are the words that come trotting out of me, as past and present simultaneously combust. He starts laughing, and says not to take it so seriously.

‘ARE YOU KIDDING? I asked if she had had an affair with you. Not “fucked a fat old Jew”.’

‘I am a fat old Jew,’ he roared. ‘She’s history. Over and outta here.’

I never spoke to Shaz again. I also wonder whether these were her actual words, or whether Joel was giving me a dose of the fear, knowing I would nuke on cue?

We all troop into a screening of Pacific Heights that night, courtesy of the distribution company, but I am in no fit state to be affected by celluloid scaries, having collided with the Real Thing at lunch.

Bruce is back. We shoot all his coverage and reshoot some of the already shot stuff to suit.

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